April 28, 2025 by Mitch Teemley

We’re all a little bit racist. And sexist. And ageist. And a dozen other-things-ist. An ist is simply a bias or leaning, either away from or toward something. We lean toward what we know, and away from what we don’t. And we all know our own race better than anyone else’s, so we’re all a little bit racist. Still, that isn’t the way it has to be–or should be.

Some years back, I was on staff at a church that wanted to be more multiracial. And so, to that end, our leaders visited another church that was much farther down the multicultural road, and asked, “What’s the key?”

“Intentionality,” they answered. Two former congregations, one black and one white, merged. The pastors became co-pastors, the black choir and white worship band became one worship team. Sound inspiring? It was. Eventually. But initially—for the first two or three years—it was jarring, frustrating, and for many simply too much to bear.

More than half the members of both former congregations left, uncomfortable over the loss of their style, their traditions–their leanings. What remained was a reduced body of dogged believers who were willing to sacrifice what was for what could be.

But the real change came not from policies or preaching. It came from small groups, intentionally made up of black and white members. They shared and prayed. It was awkward at first, so they shared and prayed about that.

Eventually, they began to laugh and cry over each other’s triumphs and tragedies. They became part of each other’s lives, attending weddings, funerals, birthday parties. The need for intentionality didn’t go away—it never does. But they’re now an us, and when they have issues, they’re us issues. In other words, they’re part of…

A bigger family.

Fear, not hate, is the opposite of love (1 John 4:18). But fear, left untreated, can fester into hate. The cure is love. The more you know someone, the more invested in them you become. And the more invested you become, the more you love them.

My wife and I wanted to invest more deeply in the lives of those who are different from us. So, among other things, six years ago we each entered into a long-term mentoring relationsip — she with a young girl who’s now a middle-schooler, and I with a young teen who’s now a college student. And as a result, our lives and theirs have been immeasurably enriched. Because we’re now part of…

A bigger family.