The reason men have always, when necessary, fought and died to protect the women they love is not only romantic or sentimental.
It is, rather, because, in her mystery, woman carries the future. She is that sacred gift who sustains a people and life itself.
To encourage women to join the military and fight shows an unnatural contempt for who woman “is”. And only a tragic contempt for the ecology of creation / nature advocates it. Not to see this shows the beginning of a meltdown in the soul.
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“… to be my lawfully wedded (wife / husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part...”
My beautiful wife and I have been married 51 years. And to this very day we so enjoy greeting each other every morning and chatting about everything under the sun that we forget we’re old. What a joy we have in each other! This chatting goes on each day for a couple of hours until we have finished our coffees and prepare to get about the days agenda, whatever that may be. We so love each others as soul-mates. And we so often marvel that we were so blessed to have met each other as teens.
We have shared so very many joys and, of course, sorrows and troubles in life, some of it of our own making. In sickness and in health. And while our children have grown up and—as always happens, have gone their own ways as adults, we love each and every one of them to this very day. We especially think fondly of the times when they were all young and still living with us at home, and very close to their grandfathers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, and so many cousins, lots of music and people always coming and going. Nothing can ever make us forget those times.
No hardship or tragedy of life can ever change that. (And we’ve had plenty of it in 51 years).
And in time we became more and more aware of the obvious truth that young people carry their own silent sufferings and difficulties too. Nothing is all bliss for anyone in this life. We all had our own stumblings and weaknesses and sins to carry and to confess. But it is a blessed thing to be encouraging, not oppressively strict, parents. And our children were all such a joy.
Freedom is an awesome gift. It can be abused or forgotten as any one who has ever walked into a Confessional knows. So from an early age we tried to teach our children that while the earth is beautiful gift, there are wolves in some parts of the woods. And sometimes we bring sorrow on ourselves. It is as true for parents as for children.
We as parents were far from Saints, but we have always been believers who tried to stumble forward, not forever backwards.
Over time our more adult lives became difficult for complex reasons. We’ve all known joy and we’ve all known tragedy. But as parents we have always loved, and we always remember and thank God for them. And while we all, of necessity, live different lives, sometimes tinged with pain, and all carry different crosses, even disagreeing painfully in profound areas as we’ve all grown older, and have sometimes suffered on account of it, our children know they were welcomed into this world, born to two people that loved them, and tried to nurture and protect them as best we knew how. And most importantly we passed on to them the sacramental grace we ourselves were given as children, and which is theirs forever. Their mother birthed and nursed this future.
“Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams.”— Dorothy Day, quoting Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
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“There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” — G. K. Chesterton
The Sacred Task of Grandfathers and Grandmothers
….is not only to play wholesome games, take walks and be all cuddly with the grandchildren, but most importantly to find ways to teach them how to avoid the hard mistakes and stupidities we made ourselves and how to avoid them.
To show them, besides the Maps which tell where goodness can be found, how we too got lost in fogs and (sometimes barely) recovered in the hard windswept storms which life invariably brings to all souls, and which they too must face.
And especially to show them the maps which point out where those wolves hide and Con Men lurk in the most unsuspecting places, disguising their true interests, and all the kinds and locations of the luring traps set off the narrow road…
+ C.S. Lewis on the “Brutal” Truths About Family
School of Sharing: The Extended Family. Stronger and More Secure Together Than Apart
Unlike most people living here in the last four or five generations who thought complete and final independence was the highest value, there is an older and greater natural security which exists: in the extended family, a place and school of wisdom for those who are willing, and who share the same values, showing respect for natural hierarchy. And while it was not something that happened for us due to circumstances beyond our control. I wished it could have been, and will always believe it to be true.
So, what are some of these benefits?
Financially pooling resources is the first benefit which makes extending property on site easier; there is taking turns helping to care for sick loved ones and, of course, babysitting.
It is also a simpler means to passing on values, wisdom and skills inter-genenerationally. Helping with homeschooling, learning chores and home repairs from a young age into old age.
There is always available free advice and support in conflict resolution; learning to strive so that love (“preferring the good of the other”) always finds a way through obstacles…
It is also life’s natural answer to loneliness: for both young and old.
Security comes in this school of sharing and collaboration because there is always someone to listen, to help, to teach, to correct, to help make amends….to say nothing of others being there for you to help you back on your feet in difficult financial times.
Most people who successfully live in extended families I’m told in time find the balance between privacy and common living, and pooling resources makes this easier in time.
Nothing is always easy in this world, but some things are worth striving for. And the rewards here can be greater than any losses, IF we learn how to look out for one another, both spiritually and in terms of home economics.
Finding security in this world was never meant to be so hard. The extended family of the willing is creation’s natural remedy for this.
Sure, it requires a measure of surrendering the modern temptation to total self-centeredness, but love is learned through acceptance and struggle against selfishness. Humility is a blessed virtue which pays rich dividends.
Creation’s natural hierarchy is family, age, and the wisdom that comes with having gone before.
Families are stronger together than apart.
[To have and to hold. Front top photo; My wife, Diane, at the ocean.]
Sometimes Young People at A Certain Age… The Amish Know.
I remember those feelings despite loving my parents very much. But teens can be myopic … and a little crazy. There are new vistas ‘out there’.
Home begins to feel like a jail to them. They know you, the parent, inside and out. They can finish your sentences for you, anticipate your every action and reaction. And, no offense, they seem to say, they’ve heard enough. They want to see for themselves. And so they sometimes pack their things.
Let the games begin.
It’s not necessarily the worst thing that can happen. It’s as old as the world. Parents needn’t overreact. It’s rather natural. Even the Amish allow their children a couple of years to leave the homestead and see for themselves, if they wish.
It’s smart of the Amish.
But what is critical is that we tell the departing young people the truth:
There are good things out there. Observe it as you live it. Reflect on your experiences and take stock.
But know also that there are bad things out there too. Don’t become a casualty. There are wolves in parts of the wondrous woods. Avoid them. Be careful. Don’t be stupid. There is good and there is evil, no matter what the Con Men will tell you. We all reap what we sow.
So go. Keep in touch. You know we’re here for you. Here’s a few bucks…
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Catholic Critique 